Tuesday January 01, 2008
Happy first day of 2008! What would New Year's Resolutions by a person in recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic look like?: perhaps a re-dedication to daily spiritual disciplines to strengthen your relationship with a source of spiritual strength, to attendance of meetings of Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, to involvement with your Al-Anon or Nar-Anon sponsor (mentor), to helping newcomers to recovery, to name but a few goals.
Wednesday January 02, 2008
Think is a good guide to recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic, meaning think about your own role in whatever the situation may be, and how you are thinking and reacting to it. Seeking an honest, positive examination of yourself and your own reactions is always an option for you.
Thursday January 03, 2008
Recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic, using the spiritual principles found in the Twelve Step Programs of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, can be seen as a learning process--an ongoing opportunity to apply these principles to life's realities. Principles such as "the only person I can change is me" have no expiration date and can be usefully applied one's whole life.
Friday January 04, 2008
If you are new to recovery from the effects of a relationship with someone with an addiction and have begun to attend meetings of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, the Twelve Step Support Groups for persons affected by such a relationship, the best way to begin is to attend as many meetings as you can each week, with an open mind, and when you are ready, begin to follow the suggestions given to newcomers, such as getting a sponsor (a mentor), reading the literature available at meetings, and being open to seeking help from a spiritual source of your own understanding.
Saturday January 05, 2008
How can I help the alcoholic or addict that I care about? There are many answers to this question; here are two. First, recognize that you have no power over whether the addict or alcoholic uses or not, and can only focus on yourself and how you react to the alcohoic or addict. Second, go to meetings of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, the Twelve Step Support Groups for persons affected by a relationship with an addicted person, and learn how not only to help yourself, but also to not enable the alcoholic or addict to continue to use---a good definition of enabling is to not allow the natural consequences of an addicted person's behavior to occur, that is, to rescue or soften the adverse consequences of drug or alcohol use. Clearly, no addict or alcoholic will seek help to stop using without experiencing the pain stemming from addiction.
Sunday January 06, 2008
In recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, there is a great emphasis on sharing one-on-one with other persons in recovery, and/or at meetings; the reason for this emphasis is that talking about a problem with another can clarify it and help produce a healthy perspective of the problem and how to apply recovery principles to it.
Monday January 07, 2008
In order to gain proficiency in any endeavor, frequent practice and discipline are required. The same is true of spirituality; daily attention to your relationship with a source of spiritual strength will enhance the relationship. Daily spiritual discipline is a way to build on a spiritual relationship: set aside time in the morning and evening to read from a daily meditation book; in the morning, ask for the strength to do whatever needs to be done that day, and before retiring, give thanks for getting through the day. Daily discplines such as these can enhance your recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic.
Tuesday January 08, 2008
A basic principle to keep in mind as a person in recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic is this: You are powerless over the behavior of the addict or alcoholic, whether he/she is in recovery or actively using.
Wednesday January 09, 2008
Issues of control abound in recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic. We are taught not to try to control the addicted person's drinking or drugging, whether he/she attends meetings, etc. It is also important not to allow your own reactions to be controlled by your expectations of others, such as placing unenforceable rules on other's actions: he should do this or that! Focus on doing what is right for you rather than focusing on the results of your behavior on others, or on how others should act or react.
Thursday January 10, 2008
Yesterday is gone; tomorrow is not here; so, other than necessary action and planning, why worry about yesterday or tomorrow? Most of us waste precious chunks of time each day with unproductive past or future worries, and miss out on perhaps even more precious moments in the present. Pay attention to your thinking and when you find yourself focused on past or future events that you have no control over now (or no work needing to be done), look around for the positives in your life right now: people who care about you, a roof over your head, enough food, a sunny day, you're still breathing, etc.
Friday January 11, 2008
Acceptance is desired by most human beings, but is rarely found without conditions; an exception is the acceptance you can find in the Twelve Step Programs for persons in recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic, such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. There you will find unconditional acceptance and many spiritual and practical recovery tools.
Saturday January 12, 2008
A person in recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic through use of the Twelve Step Programs such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, will learn practical, helpful tools such as how to detach from a problem or individual. This term has many meanings: One is to learn to put an emotional shield in place to avoid allowing yourself to be vulnerable; this does not mean an absence of caring or even emotional commitment. It does mean consciously deciding to be careful, ever reminding yourself where you as an individual stop, and where the other person begins. You need not take on, or internalize, another's feelings or problems.
Sunday January 13, 2008
Keep an open mind is wonderful advice to the newcomer in recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic through use of the Twelve Step Programs such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. Try to listen at meetings of Al-Anon or Nar-Anon for ideas or issues, or stories that you CAN identify with, rather than being on the lookout for things that you can't identfify with.
Monday January 14, 2008
Surrender to powerlessness is a principle for the person in recovery from the effects of a relationship with an addict or alcoholic that applies first and foremost to recognition of inherent inability to control whether or not the alcoholic or addict drinks or drugs. In order to internalize this principle the individual must attend many meetings of the Twelve Step Programs such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, and keep the principle in mind every day by use of daily disciplines such as daily reading of 12 Step literature and prayer.
Tuesday January 15, 2008
Don't project! is a slogan often heard at Twelve meetings such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon; it is a caution to stay in the now and not spend a lot of time worrying about the future. There is often plenty to worry about right now, as well as plenty to be grateful about right now, if you're not focused on tomorrow which is not yet here.
Wednesday January 16, 2008
We feel, and often act on, the way we think. It is important to pay attention to, to monitor, your thinking; this constant thinking that goes on is called self-talk. Your mind is always working away trying to make sense out of your reality. How you think can help you immensely to be in charge of your emotions and your behavior, OR NOT. For example, if in reaction to another's behavior, you think to yourself, over and over: "I can't stand this"; "it's catastrophic"; "it's awful!", chances are that you are going to remain upset and may in fact do something harmful to yourself or the situation. If you catch yourself being catastrophic in your thinking and can rephrase the issue as "annoying" or "inconvenient", or otherwise put the matter into perspective, you will be more likely to be in charge of your feelings and actions. If you also share the issue with a trustworthy person and even turn the issue over to God or other source of spiritual strength, awesome!
Thursday January 17, 2008
Step Two of Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (the Twelve Step Programs for those hurt by a relationship with an addict or alcoholic), suggests that a person in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon needs to be restored to sanity. Some newcomers may be offended by this suggestion; what it refers to basically are the behaviors that persons close to an addicted person engage in to try to control, fix, or protect the addict or alcoholic, behaviors that cannot by the very nature of addiction succeed. Time and an open mind are needed while attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings to understand the essentially irrational behaviors the significant other of an addicted person engages in.
Friday January 18, 2008
Some of the principles suggested by Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (the Twelve Step Programs for those hurt by a relationship with an addict or alcoholic), such as, for example, allowing the natural consequences of an addict's or alcoholic's behavior to occur, seem counterintuitive because their result may be pain and consequences for the alcoholic or addict. Protecting or rescuing (termed "enabling") the addicted person will in the long run perpetuate the addiction and cause worse pain and consequences. Thus, learning not to enable and to instead focus on helping change how you react will allow pain to perhaps help the addicted person to realize the need for help, and will help you to begin to heal yourself.
Saturday January 19, 2008
The lyrics to an old Johnny Mercer song. "You've got to accentuate the positive; Eliminate the negative; Latch on to the affirmative; Don't mess with Mister In-Between...", could be the theme song for recovery in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (the Twelve Step Programs for those hurt by a relationship with an addict or alcoholic).
Saturday January 20, 2008
A wonderful strength of meetings of Al-Anon or Nar-Anon (the Twelve Step Programs for those hurt by a relationship with an addict or alcoholic) is the diversity and wealth of experience that can be found there. Some of the most profound statements related to recovery can be heard from the mouths of persons with little formal education but an expertise forged by pain and suffering and applicatation of spiritual principles.
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